Staring at my computer screen the other night, half-dead after a 16-hour day, my mind drifted off from EBITDA multiples to something I hadn’t let myself think about in quite a while; marriage.
I’ve thought of marriage, but today was different. It was the real kind, someone to come home to. Someone who isn’t just a phone wallpaper or a muted on my notifications. I’m 31 now, and most of my peers out of Bamking are married or have planned their wedding, and some of them even have kids. Meanwhile, here I am, still choosing seamless over human connection and measuring milestones by tombstones on my desk.
Recently, I received a call from my Undergrad friend in India, who got married last month. Arranged marriage, caste-based, through a site called mudaliyarkannalam.com. He sent me a snapshot of his wedding with a voice note saying, “You should try this; it’s efficient”. God, that word “efficient” follows me everywhere, even in marriage. At first, I obviously laughed it off, but then I scrolled through the site and found it to be interesting. Profiles, family details, “looking for alliance from Mudaliyar community”, it all felt surreal, as if glancing into the world where people still believed in marriage as a life decision that needs a family opinion. It’s not just some chaotic, accidental discovery at 1 am on a dating app. This has been on my mind, and often, I think about where I will end up in life in terms of marriage.
I’m not ready for a caste-based matrimonial site, but I’m sure I’m not prepared for another Tinder burnout, either. The real thing is that I’m burnt out. I’m tired of short-term, of people saying, “Let’s see where this goes”, or that relationships that dont survive on a live deal. I want somebody who will get it and has the same mentality as I do. At least somebody who wants to work things out for sure.
In banking, every single thing is optimized; money, time, risk. But in love? Marriage? There’s no pitch deck for that. No IRR model. and yet late at night, between revisions and deadlines, my mind is always on these topics. It’s a signal for me to start being more humble and think less like a banker.